Survivor: Redwall
by Catty Engles
Summary: Survivor has always gone to great lengths to bring you the most interesting bunch of people... but now we bring you the beasts. Help your favorite character win!
1. The Interviews

Okay, so I've made a bit of an adjustment to the way the Redwallers speak. Survivor is a modern game, they kinda had to be a little modern ~waves poetic/artistic license~ I'm allowed see. Even if I DON'T OWN REDWALL.  
***  
  
Survivor: Redwall  
  
Survivor has always gone to great lengths to bring you the most entertaining bunch of people... but now we bring you the beasts. Two tribes pitted against each other with the hatred burning of decades, centuries, and even millennia. Yes, the Redwall saga has now joined the lasting tradition of Survivor. Will good triumph over evil? Let's meet our contestants beforehand.  
  
The interviews:  
  
Name: Martin  
  
Question 1: Why do you want to be on Survivor?  
  
Martin: (shoots nasty look off camera) I, uh, don't. Gonff dragged me into this (Gonff snickers off camera)  
  
Question 2: Why should we put you on Survivor?  
  
Martin: Um, I'm strong, dependable, good, and the founder/protector of Redwall. I'm its essence, I'm a given. Oh, okay, this Survivor thing is kinda cool and I want to beat Gonff's little pouchy face into the ground, I'm going to maim him!  
  
Name: Mariel  
  
Question 1: What's that you're holding? (Camera zooms in on Gullwacker)  
  
Mariel: (bats it away and glares at cameraman) It's my weapon and if you want to know what it does keep zooming in.  
  
Question 2: Do you get on well with others?  
  
Mariel: If they get on well with me (still glaring at the cameraman).  
  
Name: Joseph  
  
Question 1: Are you related to that little fireball?  
  
Joseph: Yes, I'm her father, but I can still beat her sometimes at wrestling.  
  
Question 2: Are you willing to compete against your daughter?  
  
Joseph: More than willing, although it'll be (cough) friendly competition.  
  
Name: Dandin  
  
Question 1: Why are you bouncing?  
  
Dandin: (who had been jumping from footpaw to footpaw) I'm so excited, oh and Mariel got a little mad at me for dragging her here (wincing he points to a bruised footpaw) Said, she wanted to see me dance. (Smiles naively)  
  
Question 2: Would you attempt to like your teammates?  
  
Dandin: Well it's certain that Mariel won't so, why not?  
  
Name: Dotti  
  
Question 1: What attracts people to you?  
  
Dotti: Gee, I dunno, maybe it's my spiffin' singin', wot? (Attempts an extremely high scale) La la la laaaaaa!  
  
Question 2: (shouting to be heard) Well, that's great, but what else attracts them to you?  
  
Dotti: (glances at Southpaw and Bobweave off camera who are ostentatiously flexing their muscles and boxing once in a while) I'm a genuine fatal beauty, if that's what you mean.  
  
Name: Deyna  
  
Question 1: Are you as tough as you look?  
  
Deyna: Tougher.  
  
Question 2: My notes tell me that you once were the Tagga- er- Taggra- um...  
  
Deyna: (laughing a little) I was, and I've learned to always stick to friends because of it.  
  
Name: Cregga  
  
Question 1: Does being blind impend you?  
  
Cregga: Not in the least. I'm still spry for my age and could use a bit of exercise.  
  
Question 2: Do you have anything you'd like to say?  
  
Cregga: EULALIAAAAAAAA!  
  
Name: Songbreeze  
  
Question 1: Songbreeze, being a girl, do you think this will limit your chances?  
  
Songbreeze: Please, call me Song, and no, I'm pretty smart for a squirrelmaid.  
  
Question 2: You're enemies were the Marlfoxes, very crafty beasts. Would you fight them again?  
  
Song: (without hesitation and a dangerous edge to her voice) Yes.  
  
Name: Gonff  
  
Question 1: You are Martin's friend?  
  
Gonff: Closest buddy he's ever had, but after what he said (mockingly smacks fist into palm. Then looks off camera to a glaring Martin) oh, haha, joke. Didn't mean a word...  
  
Question 2: Some of your friends call you and, I quote, "an egotistical little mouse with a head too big for his puny body" Is this true?  
  
Gonff: (glares at Martin who is laughing off camera) But then I call my friends, "Mr. I have to look cool with a big sword and save people or my head will explode"  
  
Name: Trisscar  
  
Question 1: Does being on an island appeal to you, Trisscar?  
  
Trisscar: It's Triss, and no not really. I spent most of my life a slave on an island.  
  
Question 2: Did slavery weaken or harden you?  
  
Triss: Both.  
  
Name: Matthias  
  
Question 1: How does winning 1 million dollars sound?  
  
Matthias: Great. I can't wait for the first task.  
  
Question 2: What do you want the first task to be?  
  
Matthias: Something to do with eating.  
  
Name: Viola Bankvole  
  
Question 1: Are you excited to be on nation-wide television?  
  
Viola: Does my pinafore look white, off-white, or tan to you? (Viola pouts, straightening some wrinkles)  
  
Question 2: Uh, who's going to be rooting for you?  
  
Viola: Anyone with a sense of fashion or good taste.  
  
***  
  
Now that you know the contenders, I hope you'll want to put in some of your own. I'll accept anything from fan fic characters or role-play to other characters in another Redwall book (although please include which book they're in (or if it's a fan fic, what story... role-play, just tell me a bit about them) and a little about them. I've read all the books, but my memory's a little rusty!) The actual show starts soon and so does the first "twist." 


	2. Episode One

Survivor: Redwall  
  
Episode One  
By: Catty Engles Name: Broggle  
  
Question 1: What could you provide your team with in the means of survival?  
  
Broggle: Well, I'm a cook, and not half bad at stitching and stuff.  
  
Question 2: Do you think that you'd be able to survive in the wilderness on your own?  
  
Broggle: Hmm, I'd have to leave that one up to Fwirl.  
  
Name: Fwirl  
  
Question 1: Is it true that you lived by yourself before coming to Redwall?  
  
Fwirl: Yes, for a long time, but I'm much happier now that I'm here.  
  
Question 2: How do you think you'll measure up when it comes to individual challenge time?  
  
Fwirl: I'll just hope I make it to that!  
  
Name: Arven  
  
Question 1: I hear that you have borne the Sword of Martin, do you think this means anything in survivor?  
  
Arven: It's taught me leadership and that bonds of friendship aren't broken easily.  
  
Question 2: What interests you most about this game?  
  
Arven: What it takes to win.  
  
***  
  
Host: Welcome good creatures all, my name is Catty Engles. I'll be your host. (Catty has miraculously been transformed into a mouse because she didn't want to deal with the Redwallers meeting a human- too much work) I'm sure you'd all like to know what you'll be playing for.  
  
Martin, Mariel, Joseph, Dandin, Dotti, Deyna, Cregga, Song, Gonff, Triss, Mathias, Viola, Broggle, Fwirl, and Arven: Yes!  
  
Catty: (Pauses for effect) 1 million dollars!  
  
Martin, Mariel, Joseph...(aww geez, let's just call 'em "Audience"): Wohoo!  
  
Catty: I know I'm shamelessly introducing the peaceful Redwall community to everyday economic life of want and demand, but anyway... 1 million dollars is a lot of money!  
  
Audience: Wohoo!!!  
  
Catty: But we're not just giving this stuff away. Oh no, you'll be here for days. (Gesturing to a suddenly tropical island that replaced Mossflower woods) And will face numerous challenges, by which at the conclusion of each few days you will have one less member. If you know how Survivor is set up, you'll know that there are generally two teams of equal number of players. Can anybeast tell me how many beasts are here?  
  
Song: Fifteen.  
  
Catty: Can anybeast tell me why this is bad?  
  
Martin: It's not even.  
  
Catty: Correct. This means you will not split evenly into teams. This doesn't mean we're sending home only one of you before we choose teams (Pauses for effect again) it means we're sending home five.  
  
Audience: (mutters and outraged shouts of unbelieving)  
  
Gonff: Why?  
  
Catty: Because the remaining players will be only one team, because we've already prepared the other team of opponents, because ten is one of my favorite numbers, take your pick.  
  
Triss: What do you mean you've already prepared the other teams?  
  
Catty: You'll just have to wait and find out, won't you?  
  
Dotti: Well why don't you stop baitin' us and give us the flamin' challenge!  
  
Catty: Good point. You're first challenge has been set up behind you. (Audience turns to look) There are fifteen rafts with ten balloons tethered to the bottom of the ocean in front of each. (The rafts are about four feet out into the ocean. The balloons are actually hard, red, and plastic, no bigger than a coconut. They are tethered to a stake in the ocean floor, arranged in a column, progressively getting deeper. The rafts, three feet by three feet, are there to store the balloons) The idea is to be the first one to get back on dry land with ten balloons. First ten with ten balloons are in the first tribe. Go.  
  
Audience: (Some look astounded for a moment. The beach is at least ten meters away and no one's been assigned rafts, no definite rules have been laid out, nothing. It's all very vague.)  
  
Martin: (starts running) C'mon pouchy face, move yerself!  
  
Gonff: Hey, I resemble that remark! (laughing, he takes off after Martin)  
  
The rest: (start running)  
  
Catty: (To camera) The rules didn't cover much, it's a free-for-all out there. Anyone can take any balloon, not just the ones that are lined up in front of their raft.  
  
What follows is a detailed (hopefully understandable) blow by blow description of Challenge One:  
  
(A tussle breaks out between Fwirl and Song over which raft is who's.  
  
Martin and Gonff are neck and neck, both hauling in two balloons with one breath.  
  
Triss has swum out to the very farthest balloon, assuming that they're deeper out far and that she'll be able to conserve energy better this way when she gets tired later on.  
  
Cregga already has five.  
  
Dotti realized there's nothing stopping her from taking others' balloons. She steals one from Deyna who, laughing, steals one of hers back. Systematically, they both collect ten balloons from both of their columns and one each from Broggle's who is nearby.  
  
Mariel, Dandin, and Joseph are working together, having realized the error in the directions right from the start. Collectively they've hauled in fifteen but it seems no one's going back without the others.  
  
Fwirl finally gets into the water, followed closely by Song. They don't even claim a raft to lay their balloons on. They steal from the balloons laying unprotected on the rafts, quickly collecting ten this way. They scurry back to shore.  
  
Cregga becomes the third member of the new tribe with all of her ten balloons that she collected from just one column.  
  
Gonff finds all of his eight balloons missing, stolen by Song. Martin has just collected his tenth. Dotti and Deyna both find all theirs gone as well. Broggle is floundering in the water, coming up with barely two all this time. Martin steals and tosses Broggle's two to Gonff then swims back to shore, becoming the fourth member.  
  
Mathias is robbed of his accumulated seven by the tricky Gonff, who swims back to shore, congratulating Martin on a job well done.  
  
Mariel, Dandin, and Joseph have finally acquired thirty when Dotti and Deyna take five, to add to their collected five each, swimming back to shore they empty their holds for counting.)  
  
Catty: Good job Deyna and Dotti, go stand over there with your new team- mates, Martin, Cregga, Song, and Fwirl. That'll be five members so far.  
  
Gonff: Hey, what about me?  
  
Catty: (looks at his pile of balloons) You only have nine.  
  
Gonff: (blanches, does a quick count then jumps back into the water)  
  
Martin: Go, Pouchy!  
  
(Mariel is outraged at Dotti and Deyna for taking ten of their thirty balloons. Joseph, being the loving father he is, lets Dandin and Mariel have ten each of the remaining twenty, setting off to try and scrounge ten from the dwindling amount of balloons.  
  
Gonff is but a streak of white-water as he makes a bee-line for Mathias' raft, on Joseph's tail, literally. Mathias protects his three balloons steadfastedly, harassed by Arven, Gonff, Joseph, and Triss.  
  
Triss has eight, Joseph none, Gonff nine, and Arven five. They keep up a steady stream of stealing and stealing back, all four of them in the water.  
  
Gonff, who had left his nine on the shore, quickly procures his last balloon and swims back to shore. Joseph and Arven keep fighting, Broggle half-heartedly joining the tussle a little time later, with Mathias still protecting his three, unable to get any more.  
  
Triss has disappeared. She knows there must be more balloons still on the tether lines, and she finds them. The two farthest away balloons on Deyna and Dotti's columns are still there. She grabs both of them and kicks frantically back to shore.  
  
Fwirl is yelling desperately to Broggle to "put some back-bone into it!" Gonff makes it back to the shore, throwing his last balloon onto the pile.)  
  
Martin: Good job you realized you're mistake, huh Gonff?  
  
Gonff: Yeah, and good things those blokes didn't.  
  
Dotti: And what mistake is that, pray tell?  
  
Gonff: (hops up and bows to Dotti) Why, stealing from the prince of mousethieves, of course! (he dances a little and with a flourish reveals eight more balloons that he pinched from Arven and Mathias)  
  
(At about this time, Joseph, Arven, Broggle, and Mathias have realized that they're fighting for no balloons because Gonff's taken all of theirs. They cast around frantically looking for more balloons. They spot Triss, kicking frantically for shore, in possession of ten balloons. They strike out after her though it's already too late for pursuit. Triss staggers onto shore, clutching ten balloons and becoming the tenth member of the tribe)  
  
Catty: Well done, well done. Joseph, Arven, Broggle, and Mathias, I'm sorry. Please leave the island immediately. (She points at the schooner waiting nearby)  
  
(Joseph nods to Mariel and Dandin. Mariel's fists clench in anger. Dandin sighs and waves enthusiastically after Joseph. Broggle blows a kiss to Fwirl mouthing "good luck")  
  
Song: Wait a second. That's only four. Where's the fifth player who's been eliminated?  
  
Catty: Already on the schooner. Viola didn't want to get wet.  
  
(Viola is sitting prettily on the schooner, straightening her dry-clean only pinafore)  
  
***  
  
A/N- Yeah, 'Lady Storm', I don't like Gonff/Martin slash either. You won't find any of that here, but I think they're good friends, so they'll joke a talk and stuff. I'm sorry Broggle was kicked out so fast 'Gonff and Broggle are the best.' All of you who told me who you're rooting for, thank you very much! You'll be able to influence the voting when the time comes. Meat the other team in the next episode of Survivor: Redwall. 


	3. Episode Two

This took so long because of an infestation of Mary Sues and  
Mary Sue Parody writers and a cruise and my computer. I promise  
it will not take so long ever again!  
  
Yes, it is too late to suggest characters sorry, I should have  
kept it on longer, but I'm pretty happy with my teams already.  
All you who have suggested characters after the un-notified  
deadline they can be, uh, stage hands... Yeah sure, so hope you  
guys like episode two. You'll get to vote next chapter.  
  
Arwen-Galadriel- Sure, go ahead, healthy competition is all  
good.  
  
Episode 2: The First Challenge  
  
Catty: You ten beasts have proven yourselves worthy of the title  
"Chetora," your new tribe name. You'll compete together in this  
arena and duke it out at tribal council, but I assume you're  
anxious to discover who the opposing tribe is, right?  
  
Chetora: Yes!  
  
Catty: Then let's bring 'em in, enter "Tinchatka" (Cluny,  
Badrang, Romsca, Tsarmina, Ublaz, Kurda, Gelltor, Klitch,  
Swartt, and Gabool enter from the foliage, yes they have been  
brought back form the dead but what else am I going to do?)  
This is the other tribe (Martin, Mariel, and Triss surge  
forward, trying to get to their foes. They are held back by  
their tribe mates.)  
  
Mariel: Gabool is mine!  
  
Triss: You'll pay for Shogg, Kurda, you'll pay!  
  
Martin: (is silent but his eyes are tinged red and his mouth is  
a grim gash of determination)  
  
Catty: Enough! (Chetora settles) The first reward challenge  
is... now. (points into the forest.) Two paths will take you into  
the forest on similar routes. These (holds up two thick sticks  
one blue and one green. On one of the flat ends there is a  
design engraved.) are your batons. As you may have guessed,  
this is a relay race. The basic idea is to pass the baton until  
reaching the tower at the end of the path. But this is  
Survivor, so nothing is as easy as it sounds. Three challenges  
lay on separate parts of the path, the challenge of strength,  
the challenge of intellect, and the challenge of logic. Divide  
your team into groups of three, one for each challenge. This  
will leave a single survivor to place the baton on the top of  
his or her team's tower at the conclusion of the three  
challenges. But before all that, do you want to know what  
you're playing for?  
  
Gonff: Oh yeah!  
  
Catty: (pulls covering off of a machete, tarp, nails, hammer,  
and string) Shelter materials and Immunity. (general sounds of  
excitement) You cannot interfere with the other tribe's progress  
or stray off the path. Each member of each group must complete  
each challenge. All right, divide up. Remember, three for each  
challenge and a baton runner at the end. Each team will be  
given more specific instructions when they reach their  
destination.  
  
(five minutes later)  
  
Catty: Time's up, the three survivors for the strength challenge  
have the farthest to walk, get going (Cluny, Badrang, and Ublaz  
head off the path for Tinchatka. Cregga, Deyna, and Dandin for  
Chetora)  
  
Intellect is next (Tsarmina, Romsca, and Kurda set of for  
Tinchatka. Fwirl, Song, and Triss for Chetora)  
  
And then the Logic challenge (Klitch, Swartt, and Gelltor head  
off for Tinchatka followed by Gonff, Dotti, and Mariel for  
Chetora)  
  
(Catty waits until all are gone, then turns to Gabool and  
Martin) Okay, deliver your baton to the first group then run to  
the end of the path and wait for it to come back to you. (Catty  
hands Gabool the green baton and Martin the blue one) Good  
Luck.  
  
Martin: (nods)  
  
Gabool: (sneers)  
  
(They both run to their tribes, passing the baton to their  
respected first group)  
  
--Chetora--  
  
Martin: Good luck, pouchy.  
  
Gonff: Shut-up I'm working. (Martin runs to the end of the  
path) Okay team, what've we got 'ere.  
  
(A huge crevice, almost ten feet wide each way is blocking the  
path, all the survivors have are three pieces of log, only eight  
feet.)  
  
Mariel: A hole, some sticks, and a near impossible challenge.  
  
Gonff: Okay, if you want to be literal, but what do you propose  
we do about it?  
  
Dotti: Go around the flamin' pit, save our skins a lot of  
blistering, wot?  
  
Mariel: And what, lose the challenge? Remember, we're not  
allowed off the path!  
  
Dotti: All right, you don't have to yell.  
  
Mariel: If it weren't for you stealing all his balloons my  
father'd be here! He'd know what to do!  
  
Dotti: Whoever said I don't?!  
  
Mariel: Okay, impart your wisdom!  
  
Dotti: I, well, I thought-  
  
Mariel: Ha, what did I tell you!?  
  
Gonff: Ladies, please, calm down for a moment, you're in good  
paws. I am the Prince of Mousethieves.  
  
Mariel and Dotti: (blank stare)  
  
Gonff: We can pole-vault, I've done it before, all it takes is a  
bit of practice, (he hefts one of the sticks, feeling its  
balance, takes a few cautionary steps) precision (starts to run  
towards crevice) and- oof (the stick plants wrong, slipping into  
the hole, pulling Gonff after it.)  
  
Mariel and Dotti: Gonff!  
  
Gonff: (cough) Uh, hello ladies, I must say, you look flattering  
from every angle.  
  
Dotti: (smiles appreciatively) I am a fatal beauty you know.  
  
Gonff: Oh, really, how nice.  
  
Dotti: Oh I know, charming aren't I? Back home-  
  
Mariel: Oh give your gob a rest and help me with this pole.  
  
(Dotti and Mariel both lower the second pole into the hole)  
  
Gonff: I can't reach it, can you lower it any farther?  
  
Mariel: How 'bout I get down there and stand flappin' my mouth  
and you lower this hulkin' pole down.  
  
Dotti: This pole isn't so heavy, mousey.  
  
Mariel: Did you just call me mousey?  
  
Dotti: Mousey, mousey, mousey.  
  
Gonff: Uh, ladies, the pole, uh ladies? (A definite tremor in  
his voice)  
  
Mariel: I can't believe you! I can't BELIEVE you!  
  
(The pole slips form Mariel's grip and Dotti drops it into the  
hole)  
  
Dotti: What did you do that for?!  
  
Mariel: What do you mean me?!  
  
Dotti: (too mad to speak) The pole-and- the crevice- and the  
shouting- and mousey- and- eergh! Now how're we gonna get Gonff  
out of the hole?  
  
Mariel: Don't ask me, I thought you had all the ideas?  
  
Gonff: Uh, ladies? No need, I'm out. (Gonff is waving from the  
other side of the crevice) I think I solved our problems. Jump  
down into the hole and use the pole to climb up the other side.  
I suggest you don't do it together.  
  
Mariel: (glares at Dotti one last time then jumps into the hole  
and scurries to the other side followed closely by Dotti)  
  
--Tinchatka--  
  
Klitch: So, I think we should loop the sticks together and run  
across really fast.  
  
Swartt: (rolls his eyes) Just like Ferahgo said, you are wet  
behind the ears. Tell 'im what we've got ta do, Gelltor.  
  
Gelltor: (The Marlfox paces the crevice then points) Here.  
  
Klitch: Where? What are you two old fogeys talking about?  
  
Gelltor: There, right in line with my footpaws. There's a rock,  
good size too. We'll be able to wedge the pole on top of that  
and get a good walkway too. See, the hole is narrower at the  
ends, well have a straight shot to the other side.  
  
Klitch: (motions with a paw) Age before beauty.  
  
Gelltor: That was not wise.  
  
Swartt: (makes a rude gesture) Very stupid.  
  
Klitch: (Gulps and then crosses the crevice after Gelltor and  
Swartt)  
  
--Chetora--  
  
(Gonff finds Song, Fwirl, and Triss at the second challenge  
area. The path is completely blocked by a stone wall with a  
tiny door in the middle with an engraved symbol alike to the  
baton's end. Remember the survivors cannot stray from the path  
or carry out the challenge improperly or they will forfeit the  
challenge)  
  
Gonff: (panting)  
  
Song: Long run?  
  
Gonff: No, just had to run fast. I think Mariel and Dotti might  
tear each other apart before I get back, you better take this  
quick.  
  
Fwirl: (takes blue baton from Gonff) Uh oh, female fighting is  
not pretty. Go back soon.  
  
Gonff: I will but I'm not eager to, you guys better hurry.  
  
Triss: Yeah, thanks.  
  
Gonff: Luck to you.  
  
Triss: Mmm hmm. (Gonff turns and runs off.)  
  
Song: Okay, let's see what we've got (Picks up a scroll case and  
fits the engraved end of the baton into it. She turns the baton  
like a key. The case opens with a click. A scroll slides out  
of it. She reads it then passes it to the others, it says,  
"Speak the password")  
  
Fwirl: Is that it?  
  
Song: (Turns the paper over. It's blank.) That's funny. (She  
turns back to the path which is obstructed by a tall stone  
gate.)  
  
Triss: Ergh, there's a code word and we don't know what it is,  
how do they expect us to do that?  
  
Song: No, no wait! (She jams the engraved end into the keyhole  
on the door) The Password! (The door swings open and she skips  
through)  
  
Fwirl: Wow, I feel like a dunce.  
  
Triss: Hurry, I'll take the scroll, go! (Song runs off with the  
baton)  
  
--Tinchatka--  
  
Kurda: (The team has already discovered the scroll but not its  
secret) Dis es 'opeless. I vant out.  
  
Tsarmina: You can't have out, we all have to complete the  
challenge, pastyface.  
  
Kurda: Vat are you calling me?! (she leaps up, outraged)  
  
Romsca: Quiet, both of you, you're not helping. Think.  
  
Tsarmina: (growling deep in her chest) We have, and nothing has  
come of it.  
  
Kurda: Speak de passvord, vat nonsense, vat passvord? (In rage  
she jams the engraved end into the door) De Passvord, de  
Passvord, de Passvord, see no guit.  
  
Tsarmina: It's not "de passvord" it's The Password. (The door  
swings open and Kurda falls through it.)  
  
Romsca: (plucks the baton from the ground and runs off to the  
next challenge group) Good teamwork!  
  
--Chetora--  
  
Song: Wow, that is one big log. Anyway, here's the baton.  
  
Dandin: Thank you ma'am.  
  
Song: Good luck everyone.  
  
Deyna: Thankee kindly, marm. (Song runs back to Fwirl and  
Triss)  
  
Cregga: In the words of Song, that is one big log.  
  
Dandin: How do you know it's a log, begging your pardon marm,  
but you're blind.  
  
Cregga: Take away one sense and sharpen the others young boyo.  
I can touch, smell, hear, or taste if I want to better'n you  
anyday. I'm just assuming this log goes from one side of the  
path to the other.  
  
Deyna: You're gonna have ta teach me your tricks marm 'cus  
you're right on the money. It's big as you and probably as  
thick as Dandin, er lengthwise I mean.  
  
Cregga: Anything else the ole lamps can tell you?  
  
Dandin: (scrambles on top of the log) The ground slopes down  
right to the seashore. I can see Martin! Hi Martin!  
  
Martin: (waves- he's not allowed to leave one spot)  
  
Cregga: Slopes right down, eh?  
  
Deyna: (winks) I did a bit of log rolling in my day, help me get  
'er started and I'll do the rest.  
  
Cregga: (winks back) Not without me you won't (she plants her  
feet and starts to strain against the log, bunching her muscles.  
The log moves.)  
  
Deyna: (adds his strength to the log, wondering how Cregga knew  
he had winked at her.)  
  
Dandin: (log inches forward) Oh no. (Log starts to rush forward  
and Deyna and Cregga jump aboard)  
  
Deyna: Whooohooo!  
  
Dandin: Ahhhhhhhh!  
  
Martin: (smiles bemusedly as the log rushes towards him, Deyna  
and Cregga howling like madbeasts on top of it. Dandin trips on  
his own feet and falls backwards off the log, almost directly at  
Martin's feet.) Thanks! (Martin plucks the baton from Dandin's  
hand and rushes onto the beach)  
  
Gabool: Ha ha! Run faster, mouse!  
  
(Gabool has emerged from the foliage followed by a grinning  
Ublaz, Badrang, and Cluny. They had moved their log aside by  
sheer strength. Now it's down to Martin and Gabool. Whoever  
places their baton first wins.)  
  
(Two towers made completely out of steps extend from the water. The  
palanquin to place the baton on is at the top. Gabool has already  
made it halfway and Martin is just running from the forest.)  
  
***  
  
Sooooooooo I know who's gonna win, but who do you want to? 


	4. Episode Three

At the end of the chapter please vote for your least favorite character, not for the one that you like the most. Thank you and enjoy.  
  
Episode Three: The First Tribal Council  
By: Catty Engles  
  
(Two towers made completely out of steps extend from the water.  
The palanquin to place the baton on is at the top. Gabool has  
already made it halfway and Martin is just running from the  
forest.)  
  
(Martin speeds past Dandin but when he tries to pass Cregga and  
Deyna, Cregga lifts him like a javelin)  
  
Martin: Hey, wha?  
  
Deyna: South and a bit East marm, way out there, big throw!  
  
Cregga: Brace yourself, Martin.  
  
Martin: Wha? I don't-  
  
Cregga: (throws Martin. He sails out to the tower crashing into  
the lowest step)  
  
Gabool: Foul! (he's only halfway out to the tower)  
  
Martin: Owwww. (he's face down and not moving)  
  
Deyna: Martin! Wake up Martin!  
  
Dandin: No, he's got a point, it hurts to fall.  
  
Cregga: What is it? Is Martin okay?  
  
Deyna: He's just lying there! Martin, come on matey, move!  
  
Gabool: (has now reached the tower and is climbing up)  
  
Martin: (rolls over holding his head) Owwww.  
  
Rose: Martin!  
  
Martin: (jerks up, looking up the tower's top. He scrambles up  
the last part of the tower, making it seconds after Gabool)  
  
Gabool: (Jams baton into the designated slot) Ha, I win.  
  
Martin: (Doesn't even give Gabool a passing glance. He runs to  
his palanquin and jams his baton into the slot, but he does it  
the right way, with the engraved side facing down, unlike  
Gabool)  
  
Catty: The winner, Chetora!  
  
Dotti, Mariel, Gonff, Song, Triss, Fwirl, Dandin, Deyna, and  
Cregga: (all start going crazy, hugging, laughing, smiling, and  
in Mariel and Dandin's case, a little (cheek) kissing)  
  
Martin: (looks up again, as a faint mist begins to blur the  
horizon) Rose?  
  
Catty: Tinchatka, I'll see you at tribal council tonight. But  
first, I have something for Chetora (eager giggles) The  
supplies, not for building a shelter, but for building a boat.  
  
Dotti: A wha? But...  
  
Catty: That's right, a boat. No shelters. No one settling  
place. You'll be traveling this whole time. Here. (Throws  
Badrang and Deyna two keys) These keys open the baton. Inside  
you will find a mad. The first destination is the site of the  
first challenge. You don't show up, you forfeit the challenge.  
Chetora, you can stay here the night, or paddle to  
tomorrow's challenge location. Oh and here. (Throws Fwirl an  
object of clothing)  
  
Gonff: Is that underwear?  
  
Mariel: (cuffs him)  
  
Song: (laughing) it's a headdress silly.  
  
Catty: Not just a headdress, it's immunity. You want this.  
This means nobeast can vote for your team, or later, yourself.  
Okay, Chetora decide where you'll be going. Tinchatka, follow  
me.  
  
(Catty leaves the area followed by Tinchatka, a very disgruntled  
Tinchatka)  
  
Cregga: Well, team, nice going. So where's home?  
  
Dotti: I'm pooped. Let's bed down here tonight.  
  
Mariel: I don't think we should risk oversleeping. I think we  
should find destination one right now, then get some sleep.  
  
Dotti: Sleep, that's what we need. If we want to keep our  
energy levels high, we need sleep. We're not going to get that  
by paddling all night. We don't even have a boat yet.  
  
Mariel: But who knows if we have to wake up early? We could  
sleep in!  
  
Dotti: Okay so what. That still doesn't...  
  
Gonff: (to himself) Not again. (Rolls his eyes to the sky and  
catches a glimpse of Martin, still standing on the top of the  
tower, the rain now spattering his fur.) Martin?!  
  
Chetora: (stops bickering to stare at Martin)  
  
Gonff: (swims out to the bottom of the tower, the rain now  
coming down in sheets) Martin? What is it buddy?  
  
Martin: (looks at Gonff strangely for a second then descends,  
shaking his head sending droplets flying) It's nothing, but...  
  
Gonff: But what?  
  
Martin: Let's stay here.  
  
(Chetora decides to stay the night, pitching a lean-to out of  
the tarp given to them for a reward. They use the wood on the  
island and the nails in the reward to fashion a boat, primitive  
but workable)  
  
Triss: Too bad none of us are shrews.  
  
Song: I knew a shrew who could throw together a boat with his  
eyes closed.  
  
Martin: (smiles distractedly. He has done his part in the work,  
but his heart hasn't really been in the game)  
  
---late that night---  
  
Martin: Rose? Was that you? (a few minutes later he falls  
asleep)  
  
---Tinchatka- Tribal Council---  
  
(Cluny, Badrang, Romsca, Tsarmina, Ublaz, Kurda, Gelltor,  
Klitch, Swartt, and Gabool are all assembled around small fire  
pit. Catty enters, gesturing to torches lined up by the wall)  
  
Catty: Grab a torch and light up.  
  
(A small scuffle breaks out between Klitch and Swartt over a  
torch)  
  
Catty: Oh, c'mon they're all the same.  
  
Gelltor: Little green needs to remember his place in front of  
elders.  
  
(They light their torches and retake their places by the fire)  
  
Catty: So, first tribal council ever. The first day went too  
fast to make any alliances, this is kind of a free-for-all,  
isn't it? Romsca, what's the situation, is there a member that  
is most likely to get voted out?  
  
Romsca: I dunno, like you said, this day went pretty fast, we're  
still all getting used to one another.  
  
Catty: Alright, Kurda, what's your take on further tribal  
councils? Do you think we'll see you back here a lot?  
  
Kurda: Ve vill crush dos voodlanders into de ground.  
  
Catty: Well, I think we're ready to vote. Cluny you're up  
first.  
  
(Cluny marches off to a separate area, lowering a pen to some  
thick almost tag board-ish paper. Ten other pairs of eyes  
follow him, wondering who will walk away the first eliminated  
survivor.)  
  
***  
  
Whohooo! First Tribal Council, give it up!!! So Chetora wins,  
sending the vermin to duke it out at tribal council. Who's  
gonna go? You get to decide. I know you don't know them very  
well yet, but... Remember the contestants are Cluny, Badrang,  
Romsca, Tsarmina, Ublaz, Kurda, Gelltor, Klitch, Swartt, and  
Gabool. Please vote soon. 


	5. Episode Four

So you guys like it, eh, hehe, let's take a look at episode four...  
  
Episode Four  
By: Catty Engles  
  
---Tribal council- Tinchatka---  
  
Catty: I'll go tally the votes. (walks to area out of sight from the main fire and grabs a hollowed out gourd) Once the votes are read, the decision is final, the survivor voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal area immediately, any questions?  
  
Tinchatka: (some shake heads, some simply stare)  
  
Catty: Okay, I'll read the votes. (with all due gravity, Catty reaches for the first vote. She comes up holding a piece of rough paper almost like tag board. Unfolding it, she glances at it briefly before holding it up for Tinchatka to see.) First vote Kurda. (Dramatic close up of Kurda's pinched face)  
  
Catty: Second vote (pause) Kurda.  
  
Catty: Third vote (pause) Swart  
  
Swat: Hey they spelled my name wrong!  
  
Catty: Shh! They must have not known who you were. Ahem, fourth vote (pause) Tsarmina.  
  
Catty: Fifth vote (pause) Badrang.  
  
Catty: Sixth vote (pause) Badrang. That's two votes Kurda. Two votes Badrang. One vote Tsarmina. One vote Swartt.  
  
Catty: Seventh vote (pause) Romsca.  
  
Catty: Eighth vote (pause) Cluny  
  
Catty: Ninth vote (extra long pause) Kurda  
  
Catty: (very very overly dramatic pause) The first person voted off of Redwall Survivor (shows last vote), Kurda. Get your torch.  
  
Kurda: (with a whirl of her cloak and a flick of her head, Kurda storms up to Catty, almost knocking the small mouse over) I vill not be humiliated again.  
  
Catty: (grumbles) Well not on survivor anyway.  
  
(Kurda struts the walk of shame, blatantly refusing to do after council comments with Ruka the camerasquirrel.)  
  
---Next Morning- Destination One---  
  
(It's been a long night for the Tinchatka tribe, not only have they had to build a boat, with much bickering, they've had to find Destination One in the dark. Chetora woke early, roused by Martin, and they made it to the destination without hold-up. Now they await Catty's arrival.)  
  
Catty: (arrives) Morning.  
  
Chetora: Morning!  
  
Tinchatka: (Blank stares)  
  
Catty: Today is day two. I can see some of you wouldn't mind going home right now. Sorry you're stuck. We have a little Immunity/Reward challenge because you have a lazy writer who doesn't want to do TWO hectic challenges each chapter. Do you all want to know what you're playing for?  
  
Tribes: Yes.  
  
Catty: (uncovers a table of food. There are three sacks of rice on either end of the table, but one end is also lavished with great amounts of other food items. There's sauces, spices, margarine, fruits, vegetables, and salads.) No matter what, each tribe gets food. Yesterday I'm sure you noticed your empty stomachs, well today, you gonna get something to fill them with, but how well you play depends on how well you eat, and how long you stay.  
The challenge today entails teamwork more than anything. It's kind of like a relay race, but there are different stations, instead of a race, it's still all about speed though. I want you to pick your fastest, your strongest, your smartest, your most agile, and your most cunning.  
  
Song: But that's only... five.  
  
Catty: I was getting there, yes that's only five, there will be pairs. Unfortunately Tinchatka has lost a member. Though, when this is done, you'll agree they had enough of an advantage. You have five minutes, pick your pairs.  
  
---Five Minutes Later---  
  
Catty: All ready?  
  
Tribes: Uh huh.  
  
Catty: Okay then, line up fastest, strongest, smartest, agile, then cunning.  
  
(the tribes line up accordingly on opposite sides of the arena.)  
  
Catty: Alright, Chetora, pick one beast to rotate down one pair.  
  
Chetora: (general sounds of outrage)  
  
Triss: But that's not fair!  
  
Catty: All's fair in love, war, and survivor. Now move.  
  
Chetora: (rotates accordingly. This means that one beast from each pair is not matched at their original spots that they thought they could have done best at. Advantage Tinchatka.)  
  
Catty: Alright, take your positions on the beach. READY? GO!  
  
Tribes: (Uncover each of their individual challenges.)  
  
(The Strongest challenge, being played by Cluny and Ublaz and Cregga and Song is to lift five huge rocks off of the ground at the same time.)  
  
(The Fastest challenge, being played by Dandin and Mariel and Gabool and Ublaz, is, predictably a race, but it's piggyback.)  
  
(The Cunning challenge, being played by Gonff and Dotti and Tsarmina and Swartt is a puzzle, without any picture to show what's been given)  
  
(The Smartest challenge, being played by Martin and Triss and Romsca and Gelltor, is a list of questions about miscellaneous subjects)  
  
(The Agile challenge is an obstacle course, being played by Fwirl and Deyna and Klitch.)  
  
(Cregga has four boulders on her back already, and Song is struggling with only one. Cluny and Badrang both have two apiece and are lunging for the last one. Song, somehow works the last boulder into Cregga's reach so they lift it, barely together.)  
  
Catty: One win for Chetora!  
  
(Fwirl has gone through the obstacle course already, which entails a lot of wriggling. She is on the outside, coaching Deyna the whole way, offering advice and encouragement, but especially Klitch's progress reports. Deyna with so much bulk can't untangle himself from some netting, and Klitch beats him to the finish line.)  
  
Catty: One win for Tinchatka!  
  
(Martin and Triss are deep in though, scratching busily with a pencil. Triss looks over at Romsca and Gelltor.)  
  
Triss: Martin! They're almost done!  
  
Martin: Hold on, we just need to know where the Sea of Tranquillity is.  
  
Triss: I dunno, Salamandastron?  
  
Martin: Sure, it's done.  
  
Catty: (Inspects questions) Two wins for Tinchatka! (Aside to Triss and Martin) The Sea of Tranquillity is on the moon.  
  
Martin: We're Redwallers how're we supposed to know?  
  
Catty: I'm just the host, sir, settle down.  
  
(Gonff has just looked at the puzzle for a long time, before laughing out loud and falling to putting it together very quickly. Tsarmina and Swartt glare at him.)  
  
Dotti: What's so blinkin' funny at a time like this, ole lad?  
  
Gonff: (working busily) Well ole gel, if you just take a look around you, you'd see!  
  
Dotti: (stares at Gonff) You've lost it, pouchy.  
  
Gonff: That's Mr. Pouchy to you, hoppy, and as a matter of fact, it's very elementary. The puzzle without a picture, is actually the landscape we see around us! Done!  
  
Catty: (inspects puzzle) Two wins for Chetora!  
  
(The last challenge is a race, but piggyback. Mariel is on Dandin's back, doing everything but whipping him)  
  
Mariel: Faster, Dandin! Faster!  
  
Dandin: Stop kicking me in the ribs, you're choking me!  
  
Gabool: This is so embarrassing (he's on Ublaz's back, bouncing up and down).  
  
Ublaz: Just shut-up, and hope no one's watching.  
  
(Ublaz, with his long strides, easily beats Dandin, who is barely bigger than Mariel.)  
  
Catty: Three wins for Tinchatka! That's three out of five. Immunity and Reward go to Tinchatka!  
  
Mariel: No! I refuse to lose to Gabool!  
  
Catty: Well, honey, you just did. Follow me, Chetora, you too are going to have a tribal council with no chance for alliances. Take your rice with you. Tinchatka, I'll see you at destination two, bright and early. But this time you have a day of rest. Cherish you prize, and make a temporary shelter. Chetora, it's time to vote!  
  
------  
  
Okay, voting time again. I'm sorry if you didn't want Kurda to go off, but that's what the votes did, please vote again, I'm having a lot of fun hearing from you guys! 


	6. Episode Five

Episode Five Catty Engles  
  
(Chetora sits around big communal fire in the center of the tribal council outcrop)  
  
Catty: Grab a torch and light it. (Chetora obeys, sitting back down clutching long lighted torches flickering ominously) So, here you are. We all knew it would come eventually, but... what are your thoughts... Martin.  
  
Martin: (shrugs, throws a glance at Gonff) I dunno, right now I just don't want to get voted off.  
  
Catty: Why?  
  
Martin: (looks uncomfortable) Well, nobody does, do they?  
  
Catty: True, true, so, Mariel, has there been any... dissension in Chetora.  
  
Mariel: (adamantly does not look at Dotti) Yes.  
  
Catty: Care to expand?  
  
Mariel: (glares at Catty) Not particularly.  
  
Gonff: She's having a spat with Dotti.  
  
Catty: Oh? Go on.  
  
Gonff: (Mariel shoots him an icy glare and he closes his mouth abruptly. After a moment of silence, Catty decides to drop the subject)  
  
Catty: Alright, I think we're ready, you all know how this is done? You write a name on the paper of whom you wish to eliminate. Majority rules, and decisions are final are you ready to vote? (Some look anxious some look eager, but all stare back at Catty un-answering. She murmurs something like 'might as well talk to the torches') Anyway, it's time to vote, Deyna you're up first.  
  
(One by one, Chetora files off to a separate area, casting their votes and sitting back down. We take you now to some live commentary as the characters are voting.)  
  
Dotti: (holds up her slip of paper, written boldly is Marial, purposely spelled wrong) Mariel, you got in my way. You're week and have no flamin' sense o' humor. No offense, but for my sake you have to go. (turns to sit down)  
  
(Next contestant commentary)  
  
Mariel: (holds up her paper with Dotti's name on it) Dotti, we don't agree, and teams have to agree to survive. Rather you than me.  
  
(final insider commentary)  
  
Gonff: (holds up paper with Song's name on it) I'm enjoying the Mariel/Dotti catfight too much, and you are just one stump on a log. Not much else to say this early in the game, except smokin' booty, babe! (winks at camera)  
  
(contestants commence voting)  
  
Catty: I'll go tally the votes. (returns with hollowed out gourd) Once the votes are read the decision is final, that survivor will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. (looks around for a second) I'll read the votes. (pulls slip of paper out of gourd) The first vote is... Deyna.  
  
Deyna: (doesn't flinch, if you didn't know him better you'd say he was bored)  
  
Catty: (disconcerted by the lack of reaction) Second vote... Song.  
  
Song: (Her eyes flash under her, heavy-lids and long lashes)  
  
Catty: Third vote... Mariel.  
  
Mariel: (grinds her teeth, shooting murderous glares at Dotti)  
  
Catty: Fourth vote... Song.  
  
Fifth vote... Dandin.  
  
Sixth vote... Dotti.  
  
Seventh vote... Dotti.  
  
Eighth vote... Dotti.  
  
Dotti: (perks up at hearing her name three times in a row, she thought she was home free after the first four.)  
  
Catty: (picks one of the remaining two votes from the gourd. Looks at it for a second. Turns it around slowly.) Second beast voted off of Redwall Survivor... Dotti.  
  
Dotti: (gets up in a daze, but soon recovers her cheeky attitude. Blows a kiss to Mariel, who glowers) _Mwah_, g'luck, doll. (places her torch in front of Catty)  
  
Catty: The tribe has spoken.  
  
Dotti: (rolls eyes) Duh.  
  
(She proceeds to the after council comment area)  
  
Dotti: (to camerabeast Ruka) Well, I'm sad to be voted out so soon, but it was fun while it lasted. I just hope Mariel doesn't win. That would suck major Badger booty.  
  
---Tinchatka- Destination 2---  
  
Klitch: Gawd these ruddy gnats! (slaps bank mud all over him to quell the stinging nuisances)  
  
Gelltor: (eats his portion of burnt rice delicately, looking disgusted at the slowly hardening mud-encrusted ferret.) That's stupid.  
  
Klitch: (pouts) Is not!  
  
Tsarmina: The stench will bring about twice the amount of gnats is what Gelltor is trying to say.  
  
Gabool: (grumbles) Young whelp, not fit to be eaten by gnats.  
  
Swartt: Stay in the firesmoke if you want to really be rid of them.  
  
Klitch: (tries to look justly offended, fails, moves toward the downwind side of the fire.)  
  
Ublaz: I'm not sitting next to a mound of dung. Go wash yourself.  
  
(Klitch isn't convinced until Romsca extends her claws menacingly)  
  
(Chetora and Catty arrive for the challenge. Chetora built camp upstream, having a more meager breakfast on the more meager winnings of their challenge.)  
  
Catty: Morning! Enough beating 'round the brush, let's get right to it. Today's Reward/Immunity challenge isn't especially out of the ordinary, but interesting enough so our viewers will keep paying (er reading) to continue the show. Log rolling.  
  
(general groans)  
  
Catty: But it gets even more interesting after that. Log wrestling is to follow.  
  
Badrang: Do you take us for some hodgepodge of country bumpkins?  
  
Catty: Er, I'm not qualified to say. Anyway, line up here, you'll be "randomly" selected to face off against each other, then we'll progress to-  
  
Gonff: Why did you make little finger signs around randomly?  
  
Catty: Er, I'm not qualified to say, anyway, then will follow log wrestling. Contestants begin!  
  
(The challenge is on the whole uneventful, although Cregga dominates from Chetora and Tsarmina from Tinchatka. Martin and Gonff (I say both because one cat-calls the other's opponent until he/she is so preoccupied with the thought of wringing so-and-so's neck that he/she falls off the log easy) also have an advantage. Klitch even holds his own against Deyna in log rolling. Mariel does exceptionally at logrolling, and this unfortunately qualifies her for a challenge with Ublaz. Needless to say this championship match looses Chetora the challenge.)  
  
Catty: Aw, too bad, sorry Mariel. But you have a chance to redeem yourself! Your tribe has lost immunity (cheers from Tinchatka) but have yet the chance to gain the reward (boos from Tinchatka). Just beat the champion from Tinchatka in logrolling and wrestling.  
  
(Chetora huddles. They've lost faith in Mariel, so choose Triss for log rolling and Cregga for wrestling. A gamble to say the best of it, but they are confidant they can instruct the blind badger.)  
  
(Romsca has been chosen for log rolling and Ublaz once again for wrestling)  
  
Catty: Before you play, I bet you would like to know what you are playing for. In port not ten meters off is a yacht equipped with all the necessities and more (points). You're team will enjoy a massage, dinner to rival Redwall's cooking, and bedding for the night. Chetora must only be defeated once to lose the reward to Tinchatka. Log-wrestlers ready? Begin!  
  
(Cregga, though blind, old, and going senile, still manages to get a few good moves in on Ublaz, though he definitely has the upper hand because he maintains his sight.)  
  
Deyna: Left marm, dodge, now come around on your right!  
  
Gonff: Good good, now twist with your wrist!  
  
Fwirl: He's off balance! Lung!  
  
Song: Go, go, harder- you can do it!  
  
Martin: Yes, beautiful move! (Cregga dumps Ublaz off the log)  
  
(Cheers from Chetora)  
  
Catty: Congratulations Cregga! Logrolling is up next, remember what is at stake here!  
  
(Triss and Tsarmina take their positions on the log, staring each other down. Triss tries to start the log moving left, while Tsarmina cooperates by going right. The log soon jumps to an alarming rate. Both of their footpaws are flying!)  
  
Song: (holding Fwirl's hand and yelling with all her might. Fwirl, Song, and Triss have developed a common bond from being all squirrelmaids) Go Triss!  
  
Fwirl: C'mon! Kick that scardey-cat's little maggot infested-  
  
Gonff: Ahem! Go Triss!  
  
(Triss has the advantage with a big tail she flicks to keep her on balance. Tsarmina tries to execute a tricky reverse of movement, but Triss was in mid-air at the moment. Tsarmina's plan backfires and she plunges off the log)  
  
(Chetora cheers wildly)  
  
Catty: Chetora wins reward! I know all of you want to go on the cruise now, but Chetora has some messy business to attend to. Tinchatka, I will meet you at destination three. Chetora follow me to tribal council.  
  
Hello, note from the Cat- Please don't send me stuff on who you DON'T want to get voted off because I don't give a pickled python (woops shouldn't have said that, oh well) I can only include votes that tell me who you DO want to get voted off. So support your character by bashing the other ones! What fun! So Chetora (good guys) is the tribe at council now. Do you want me to tell about the cruise next episode? 


	7. Episode Six

Shadow-Flame131- ACK! I knew I'd get the species mixed up at some point, thanks for setting me straight.  
  
Episode Six By: Catty Engles  
  
Gonff: Ay Karumba not again.  
  
Cat: Oh yes. We've got a whole tribal council ahead of us, and you'll probably be back sometime soon so get used to it. Do I even have to review the rules? I think I can let you kids just go with it!  
  
Triss: Yipee Skipee.  
  
Cat: Okay, time to vote, Deyna you're up again!  
  
(And now we take you to live commentary from some of the contestants as they are voting)  
  
Song: (holds up her slip of paper) Mariel. I enjoyed having Dotti around and you ruined that. I have a feeling you might ruin more if we don't stop you now.  
  
Martin: (Holds up slip of paper) Mariel. You lost the immunity for us. I think you are getting what you deserve.  
  
Dandin: (Holds up slip of paper) Triss. You are threatening Mariel's position in this game, and I don't like that. I think it's time for you to go.  
  
Deyna: (Holds up slip of paper with Gonff written on it) Sucker.  
  
(The voting is commenced)  
  
Cat: I'll go tally the votes. (retrieves the gourd) Okay,  
  
Vote 1- Fwirl  
  
Vote 2- Mariel  
  
Vote 3- Gonff  
  
Vote 4- Mariel  
  
Vote 5- Triss  
  
Vote 6- Triss  
  
Vote 7- Mariel  
  
And the second beast to be voted out of Chetora is- Mariel. Please bring me your torch.  
  
Mariel: (Looks furious and some of the other contestants quail under her stormy glare.) I hope none of you win (mutters vehemently)  
  
Cat: Mariel, the tribe has spoken.  
  
Mariel: (For a long moment she stares back at the friends that betrayed her and then walks the walk of shame with her shoulders thrown back and her chin thrust out defiantly. Her after-comments consist of only clipped and unfulfilling answers)  
  
---Later that Night---  
  
Martin: I didn't know a cruise could be so much fun!  
  
Gonff: (muttering) That's just because the ladies have taken a liking to you.  
  
Martin: (punches Gonff playfully)  
  
(Song, Fwirl, and Triss have enjoyed an evening of swimming on the yacht, cajoling anybeast they could find to join them. Gonff, Martin, and Deyna gave in later at night sparking a game of Chicken followed by water- volleyball. Cregga retired to her room early, she claimed to want to sleep on a nice bed for once. Dandin explored the ship thoroughly, investigating each of the three dining rooms, the game room, the ice skating rink, and on- board movie-theater.)  
  
-Tinchatka-  
  
Badrang: Isn't that our camp?  
  
Cluny: Yeah, but the one that we stayed at two nights ago...  
  
Romsca: Why did we give the map to that sniveling little mudball?  
  
Gabool: I think Klitch is holding it upside down.  
  
Romsca: (retrieves map from Klitch) UGH! He is! How long has it been upside down?!  
  
Klitch: I dunno, since we started...?  
  
(general groans)  
  
Ublaz: Well turn us around, we might be able to make the next destination still.  
  
---The Next Morning---  
  
(The three male mice (Dandin, Gonff, Martin) challenged the three female squirrels (Fwirl, Song, Triss) to a Ping-Pong match. That takes up the better half of the morning while Deyna and Cregga watch, egging on whichever team they choose. The final match comes down to Song and Gonff, but the outcome is unsure because there is suspicion of sabotage on Gonff's part.)  
  
(The cruise ship drops off Chetora at the next destination on their maps. They are thoroughly refreshed and have gained a mutual bond of friendship prevailing throughout. Fwirl, Song, and Triss have become fast friends, and though Martin and Gonff are as steadfast as ever, Deyna and Dandin have been welcome additions to their fun-loving merriment. Cregga is not ostracized, rather, she prefers her solitude.)  
  
(The sun inches toward its zenith while an impromptu game of Marco Polo has broken out in the water between Chetora. No sign of Catty or of Tinchatka so far.)  
  
(High noon approaches and then passes, the girls are laying out while the boys having fun competitions- holding breath, speed, skipping rocks)  
  
(Finally when the sun is just slipping over the horizon, Catty appears. She is usually very clean and prim but she looks flustered and annoyed.)  
  
Catty: There's no sign of them- ANYWHERE! Tinchatka is either not coming or has gotten lost; either way they forfeit immunity to you. They also forfeit-  
  
Romsca: WAIT! We're here! We made it! (Tinchatka stumbles out of their boat, racing towards the assemblage)  
  
Catty: I'm sorry, you're too late, you've lost immunity.  
  
Badrang: But what about the reward?  
  
Catty: The reward won't do you much good. It is secondary immunity. This means that if you lose immunity but gain this, no one is voted off. However, if the other team wins it who has immunity, they will be able to choose one player from your team to kick off.  
  
Romsca: But that's not fair!  
  
Catty: All's fair in love, war, and Survivor.  
  
Cluny: (grumbles) Okay we'll do it.  
  
Ublaz: Who put you in charge?!  
  
Gelltor: Well I say we do it.  
  
(by show of hands the Tinchatka team finally decides to attempt the challenge.)  
  
Catty: All right, let me explain. Basically (gestures to a suddenly cleared area of sand) this is a tic-tac-toe board (again suddenly the # lines appear). The object of the game is a bit obvious. Get three in a row. To do so you must eat-  
  
Fwirl: Oh no, I was wondering when eating would come into play.  
  
Catty: -some object on this table (of course the table suddenly appears stocked full of squirming insects). There is no proper way to eat the insect, you only have to keep it down, but you must keep it down before your opponent. Arrange yourselves into the order you'd like to eat in.  
  
(two minutes later)  
  
Catty: Okay first two up. Martin for Chetora, Gelltor for Tinchatka take your pick. (Martin grabs a beetle and Gelltor grabs a worm. They make icky disgusting noises only boys can make- especially when they are eating especially icky disgusting food. Unfortunately for Tinchatka Martin downs his first and shows Catty his tongue) A win for Chetora.  
  
(Cheers)  
  
Catty: All right Martin take your place on the board.  
  
Martin: What? I'm going to be the game piece?  
  
Catty: That's right. (Martin chooses the center square) Nice pick, okay next two. Deyna for Chetora and Cluny for Tinchatka. Ready? Go!  
  
(Deyna grabs a caterpillar, still wriggling and Cluny lunges for a spider, upsetting some of the other insects. This distracts him long enough for Deyna to start chomping, holding his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. Cluny crams the spider into his mouth and his eyes pop a bit. Deyna gags, clutching the table for support. He sucks in a breath through his mouth and then swallows quickly, showing Catty his tongue.)  
  
Deyna: Uhhh, that was BAD.  
  
Cluny: It bit me on the way down! That ain't fair!  
  
Catty: Deyna take your place on the board. (After a little conferring with Martin, Deyna steps to the upper left corner square)  
  
Catty: Next two Fwirl for Chetora and Romsca for Tinchatka, ready? Go!  
  
(Fwirl and Romsca grab the nearest thing- two woodlice, and start chewing immediately. Fwirl is turning paler by the second. Romsca swallows first, shows her tongue and is declared winner. She takes her place on the lower right hand corner for the block.)  
  
Catty: Next two Badrang for Tinchatka and Cregga for Chetora, ready? Go!  
  
(Cregga gropes too long on the table for an insect. Badrang snarfs a Cicada (which are, by the way, the most annoying and creepiest things with red eyes I think I have every seen) before Cregga is able to get something into her mouth.)  
  
Catty: Winner! Badrang! (Badrang takes his place under Martin and next to Romsca in the lower center square)  
  
Catty: Next two Gonff for Chetora and Ublaz for Tinchatka, ready? Go!  
  
(Gonff is all smiles while he happily chomps away at a grasshopper. Ublaz, maybe because he's a slow eater or maybe Gonff's uncanny willingness to eat bugs disconcerts him, but whatever it was he's too slow with his spider and Gonff wins the round.)  
  
(The little mouse meanders up to the playing board, taking the square (bottom left corner) to block Tinchatka)  
  
Catty: Next two Song for Chetora and Swartt for Tinchatka, ready? Go! (Amazingly Song pulls it off. She finds a weevil- a very little insect almost instantly and swallows it whole while Swartt is chomping on a huge roach.)  
  
(Song takes one of the two squares that win Chetora the challenge. She picks the one next to Martin and in between Deyna and Gonff- the left center square.)  
  
Catty: (After cheers have settled) Yes, yes, well done Chetora- now choose right now who will go from Tinchatka, but keep in mind that they still have a tribal council later tonight.  
  
Martin: (After conferring with his team members) We choose-  
  
Don't we all love suspense? Okay now this time you get to vote off two badies from Tinchatka, lesse that's Klitch, Swartt, Ublaz, Gelltor, Romsca, Cluny, Badrang, and oh jeez who am I missing ... Oh yeah, Gabool. Remember vote for TWO! Thank you and enjoy your peanuts complimentary of Imalittlecrazy corp. And remember to fly Isthatacloudoramountain Airlines. T. hee. 


	8. Episode Seven

Hey There! Very sorry, I am so late in getting this up. I've discovered a new obsession! But that is no excuse, only an explanation, so I'll make this quick since I'm typing it at school! Enjoy… final tallies are at the bottom. (I apologize for the Tsarmina mix up!)

Episode 8

By: Catty Engles

Martin: We choose Gelltor.

Gelltor: What? What did I do?!

Martin: (glowering) You were born.

Catty: (steps in before there is a fight) Alright, thank you. Gelltor, you have been officially voted off the island (a helicopter touches down a few yards away) Please leave (points to the helicopter). Congratulations again to Chetora. Tinchatka, follow me, we are heading straight to Tribal Council.

---Chetora---

(Martin, Gonff, Deyna, and Dandin drag out the log boat as the three squirrelmaids confer about their next destination)

Song: The best way is to go along the coast then turn into this little side-stream here (she points to the map)

Fwirl: That could be… but (looks at Triss conspiratorially)

Song: (notices the glance and pokes Triss) What are you two keeping from me?

Triss: (smiles indulgently) Well, you see this little indent? Earlier today I explored over that way and it's actually a through stream not noted on the map. We could cut our time in half by taking it!

Song: (catches on) And get twice as much sleep! And time to set up a decent shelter!

Fwirl: (nods sagely) Exactly.

Cregga: (wanders over) What are you three whispering about.

Gonff: (trying to talk while lugging the boat) Yes (grunt) what?

Fwirl: (swishes her tail and giggles) Something you'll thank us for on bended knee.

Martin: (whispering to Deyna) That's nothing special.

---Tinchatka---

Catty: You guys have had it hard, so I'll make this quick so you can get back to your camp. We're ready to vote. Tsarmina (yes, I'm sorry, she is still in the running) you're up first.

(we now bring you live to commentary as the voting is taking place)

Cluny: (holds up his slip of parchment) Gabool. Earrings and beards do not go together, I don't care if you _are _a searat, you look _gay_.

Swartt: (holds up the parchment) Badrang, you fight dirty.

Klitch: (holds up his parchment) Romsca, girls suck, you aren't even a proper vermin you turned good at the end of your book.

Catty: Everyone retake your seats, I'll go tally the votes. (retrieves gourd) Once the votes are read the decision is final, the beast voted off will be asked to leave the island immediately. I'll read the votes.

Catty: (pulls a slip of parchment out of the gourd) First vote: Gabool. (retrieves another parchment) Second vote: Gabool. (retrieves a third parchment) Third vote: Gabool.

Gabool: (begins to perspire)

Catty: Fourth vote: Gabool. That's four votes Gabool, one more vote and he's off the island. (pulls the fifth parchment with an extra bit of relish, smiles at the outcome) Fifth person voted off Survivor Beasts: Gabool. Bring me your torch.

Gabool: (mutters as he stumbles towards Catty, one can just catch the word Bell repeated over and over) A curse on all yer heads.

Catty: You have a nice night too. (she extinguishes his torch)

Gabool: (trundles off the wrong way still muttering and some stage hands have to escort him off of the premises)

Catty: Well that's that. Enjoy the rest of your time here and you'll be summoned for the next reward/immunity challenge tomorrow early, so be ready.

Tinchatka: (straggles away towards their camp)

---The Next Morning---

(a speedboat is sent to each of the teams' camps and they are delivered to a shore were some scaffolding is set up and Catty is waiting with crossed paws)

Chetora: (looks bright eyed and bushy tailed from their short-cut compared to Tinchatka who looks in general the worse for wear)

Catty: Good morning.

Chetora/Tinchatka: Morning.

Catty: Our challenge today is a physical one, one that will garner you immunity and a beautiful reward, a speedboat for your trip from destination to destination.

Chetora/Tinchatka: (heartfelt cheers and anxious mutterings)

Catty: I'm sure your geared up for the challenge, so I'll explain. (There is a line of platforms about five feet high, five for Tinchatka and six for Chetora. Each has a bucket resting on top. At the end of these lines is a platform with a ladder on the side ten feet high, a bucket is connected to a pulley at the top of the ladder. At the end closer to the ground is a torch connected to the other side of the pulley. Near the beach's shore is another bucket.) The first bucket will be used to collect water from the ocean. The beast who does so will try to get as much as he or she can and then run to this line (a line about four feet before the first platform). He or she will proceed to toss the water to the next player. The water will pass from platform to platform until the last player on the ground gets the tail end in his or her bucket. He or she will climb the ladder and dump the remains into the top bucket. First team to fill their bucket up enough so that it falls and the torch rises to the top will win immunity and the speedboat.

Catty: Take two minutes to decide where each team member will play.

(two minutes later)

Catty: Alright, get into position!

(Deyna is the first runner for Chetora and Martin is the last climber for the ladder's bucket. In opposition, Swartt is the runner for Tinchatka and Tsarmina is the climber.)

Catty: On your mark! Get set! Go!

(And they're off. Deyna and Swartt are neck and neck as they reach the line together. Deyna's throw is high and the water separates but Swartt's is low and powerful and Cluny, the first platform player, gets most of it in his bucket. The game continues in a frenzied rush. Cregga isn't a very big impediment because Gonff shouts to her each time she throws. The game is still close and the climbers, Tsarmina and Martin get down to the nitty gritty, wringing out their fur and clothes into the bucket that have been wetted by misaimed throws. Deyna gets a leg up on Swartt as the ferret begins to slag, Deyna, encouraged by this throws his water too high, and Dandin, the first catcher, almost falls off the platform trying to catch any of it. Fortunately, he retrieves about a ½ (that is a resulting ¼ after later depletions), but the game swings in Tinchatka's favor after that. They pull it off a few buckets later.)

Catty: Winner of immunity and a speedboat, Tinchatka! (cheers) But, if you haven't noticed, the teams are unequal now and we can't have that. Chetora will choose one player to come live with the Tinchatka team. This means that player will be exempt from the latest Tribal Council and will get to indulge in the speedboat.

Chetora: (still a little shocked at their loss and the new knowledge of one of their number's fate.)

Catty: (seeing this she makes a decision) Tinchatka, go back to camp in your new speedboat, let Chetora think this one over.

(Tinchatka leaves, celebrating and being merry )

Catty: Chetora, decide what team member will become a member of Tinchatka until the teams are even again and then I will take you to Tribal Council to cast your vote.

Chetora: (Argues among themselves for a considerable time, none really volunteering to go over to the "vermin" team, finally one brave and bold beast steps up to the plate.)

The Real Catty: And that player will be decided by… you guessed it, viewers like you!

Hello, and sorry again for the delay. I _will_ continue this, I have no intention of stopping, since the last chapter alone acquired 22 reviews (WOOT). Final tallies, just in case you wanted to know!

Badrang: 5  
Gabool: 11  
Cluny: 5  
Klitch: 3  
Romsca: 4  
Swartt: 2  
Gelltor: 8  
Ublaz: 3

So today, you must vote for the player that will take up residence with the Tinchatka team and the player that will be voted off at the next Tribal Council. These players to choose from are: Martin, Gonff, Deyna, Fwirl, Song, Dandin, Triss, and Cregga. Vote for TWO and please specify for which you are voting, loving you all!

-Cat


	9. Episode Eight

Blah blah (insert lengthy explanation for why I haven't written) I've moved in the process but whatever. Thanks for your reviews and input. And on with the show!

Episode 8  
By: Catty Engles

(Chetora argues over who is to move to the other team's camp for the following nights while the newly Tinchatka acquired speedboat's motor whines in the distance. Finally the choice is narrowed down to three.)

Fwirl: So you three are _volunteering_ to move to Tinchatka? (Martin, Cregga, and Deyna nod)

Song: (glancing at Triss who looks as relieved as Song feels) Well I won't argue against that, I wouldn't give much for my chances in a den of vipers like those vermin.

Dandin: (slowly shakes his head in admiration) Yeah, so how are we going to decide? There can only be one. Rock, paper, scissors?

Deyna: No, I'll do it for you. I'm going. (Martin and Cregga make outraged noises) Martin, you are strong and brave and I don't doubt your ability to hold your own even though anyone might underestimate you because you're a mouse, but this team needs you. If you haven't noticed, you've become somewhat of a surrogate leader.

Martin: (holds Deyna's eyes for a long moment and then nods his head, acquiescing to the otter's wisdom) I will stay.

Deyna: (turns his gaze to Cregga who feels his eyes on her and turns towards him listening even if she can't see him) Cregga, my friend, I can't let you go because, to put it bluntly, you are aging. Cregga Rose-Eyes, I would let take on these villains in a heartbeat, but now without your sight, I fear for you. (Cregga inclines her head, unknowingly just as Martin had) I will go, because I was once the Taggerung. I will-

Gonff: (angry and fuming) Why should any of us have to go! Those vermin would kill as soon as look at us! I don't care if it's only a game, sending a friend into an enemy's camp is not-

Deyna: (interrupting) You've just got to trust my thinking right now, Gonff.

Gonff: When I think you're mad! (Martin grips Gonff's shoulder as Deyna steps forward to inform Catty of their decision) This isn't right. (Martin is quiet, he knows his friend is in no state to listen to reason)

Dandin: (Trying to do just what Martin had wisely avoided) He'll be okay, he's tough, even if the vermin try to kill him, that's against the rules and then-

Gonff: (furious) What do vermin care about rules! You just don't understand what they might do to him! (Dandin quails under Gonff's outrage)

Catty: (returns from sending Deyna off with some set crew who would direct him to the vermin camp) Tribal council, Chetora, pack it up.

(The camp sulks off to Tribal Council, Gonff still fuming but now he has an object to turn his emotions against: Dandin. The Tribe feels the waves of tension coming off Gonff and Dandin, and automatically side with the stronger of the two- in most cases it was Gonff. Without much competition or arguments at camp, this showdown, so close to voting time is fatal for Dandin.)

Catty: (After all the votes have been cast) Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The beast voted off will be asked to leave the tribal area immediately. I'll read the votes. (Dramatically she pulls the first vote out of the voting gourd) First vote: Dandin.

Dandin: (lowers his head as the next three votes read off are his name as well.)

Catty: Sixth beast voted off of Survivor Beasts: Dandin.

Dandin: (grabs his torch and trudges up to Catty. He looks over his shoulder at his teammates and does his best to smile) Good luck you guys.

Catty: (remains impassive as she extinguishes his torch.)

(Dandin leaves the voting area for his after-show comments which go something like "Oh, I'm sorry Gonff, I didn't mean anything. I had a good time while it lasted. I hope someone from Chetora wins…")

Catty: You can move on to your next destination now, best of luck to all of you. (the sky is darkening as Song navigates them to the next beaching point where they gloomily set up camp and wonder about themselves and say a small prayer from Deyna)

Tinchatka---

(There has been somewhat of a party atmosphere as the tribe arrives at the next beach earlier than even they expected with Tsarmina steering their new speedboat. They haphazardly pull her ashore and make a fire then set about arguing over names for their new boat. Old seafarers aim to have their ships names reinstated, some are pure nonsense "_Death_ _to Woodlanders and all Things Good and Wholesome_" seems to have a good backing, but the shorter and more concise _Deathwake _is decided upon. The partying continues until another, smaller and less flashy speedboat stops thirty feet from shore. A sleek shape can be glimpsed diving soundlessly into the water and then the speedboat hurries away.)

Cluny: What the-

Romsca: It must be the woodlander sent to help us out. (snickers meaningfully)

Klitch: _Help_, ha!

(they wait to see if the shape resurfaces, most of them, now sure it isn't the badger since the shape was smaller, are pondering the other options. Most would rather have one of the squirrelmaids, delicate and impressionable to terrorize until after tribal council. The vermin lick their lips staring at the water in anticipation and apprehension.)

(after the shape doesn't resurface ten minutes later the vermin start to get uneasy)

Cluny: Well so much for that, we'll just tell them it drowned before it reached shore. (The rest of them nod their heads noncommittally)

Badrang: I'm going back to tend the fire, it's probably ash by now.

Tsarmina: (turning) No, look!

(Deyna is sitting by the flames wearing an ominous but large grin across his broad features, feeding the fire kindling)

Swartt: Stripe me, I didn't hear a thing!

Tsarmina: Nor did I…

(After an uneasy confrontation where Deyna skillfully turns the vermins' questions aside about his appearance, they drop off to sleep)

Deyna: (under his breath) Good night you lousy bunch of murderers. (He mimes sleep with his back to the fire and one eye open. Deyna knew that if he made an indirect approach the vermin may let him off due to their fatigue. The plan worked like a charm, he circled around the camp surfacing maybe fifty feet downwind of them and then hurried to the treeline, foraged some dry kindling, and made his way to the fire behind all the vermins' backs while they were watching for signs of him in the water. With the knowledge of his success sharp in his mind, he let himself relax and prepare for what lay ahead of him)

Next Morning at the Appointed Place for the Challenge---

(the two tribes walk in, Chetora minus one, Tinchatka plus one. Chetora seems glad to see Deyna is alive while Deyna seems sorry when he notices that Dandin is gone, though he never had any real ties to him, it's always sad losing a teammate.)

Catty: Welcome survivors! I hope to find you well because today's challenge is an especially grueling one. (Two sets of three pulleys have a rope running through them. One side is simply a rope lying on the beach with knots tied in it, the other side, suspended above the water, has a harness attached to it.) You will select your lightest player to be hanging above water with only manpower to keep him or her sustained. Your entire tribe will be straining against the ropes until five minute intervals in which I will eliminate two of your players closest to the end of the rope. Once we are down to the last two anchor players from each team it will be a battle of only sheer muscle and willpower. You have five minutes to select your positions.

(Five minutes later)

Catty: Before we get back to the game, would you like to know what reward for today is?

Tribes: YEAH!

Catty: Okay… (pulls the cover off of a table revealing a basket and some bolts of cloth to noises of appreciation from the tribes) It looks like you guys are not doing to well in the clothes department. This contains needles, spools of thread, sewing scissors, measuring tape, and of course cloth and lots of it. Now bring me your results for the order and we'll get started.

(They obey)

Catty: Okay, the lineup is as follows. Fwirl for Chetora and Klitch for Tinchatka are going to be in the harness. (Klitch does not look at all happy about this arrangement, but he was the slightest in stature) Cregga will be Chetora's anchor and Tsarmina will be Tinchatka's. The lineup from there goes Martin, Gonff, Triss, and Song for Chetora and Badrang, Ublaz, Cluny, Swartt, Romsca, and Deyna for Tinchatka.

(It was obvious Tinchatka put Deyna at the back of their line and first to be eliminated because they couldn't count on his loyalty.)

Catty: (grinning slightly and pretending to ponder) Eight to six doesn't seem fair does it?

Chetora: (catching on and laughing delightedly) No!

Catty: (motions with a smile for Deyna to retake his place among his tribe where he is greeted wholeheartedly) Reshuffle your group and then we'll get started.

(Deyna is placed right behind Cregga and in front of Martin and Gonff.)

Catty: Take your places. (Fwirl and Klitch are raised into the air mechanically, suspended above the water, the tribes pick up the lax ropes and brace themselves for when the tension will be released) Ready? GO!

(The mechanical hold on Fwirl and Klitch is cut and they plummet a few feet before being painfully stopped by their teammates taking up the slack. Fwirl and Klitch try their best not to move though the harness is cutting into their skin-not a comfortable position at all. The first five minutes is relatively quiet, murmurs of encouragement pass up and down the line from Chetora just as easily as threats of disembowelment do for Tinchatka. Chetora tries their best to ignore all the huge animals with dense muscle mass they are up against.)

Catty: All right. Five minutes is up, Song, Triss, Swartt, and Romsca please step away from your lines. (With final murmurs they comply, standing behind a line a few feet away from the action) Good luck survivors I'll check back on you in five minutes.

(The remaining members readjust their lines, taking the strain more heavily in Tinchatka's case because both of the beasts eliminated were moderately large and held their fair share of the weight compared to two tiny squirrelmaids. Fwirl and Klitch begin to look increasingly miserable)

Catty: Five more minutes have gone by. Ublaz, Cluny, Martin, and Gonff move away from the lines. (they carefully step away leaving only two beasts remaining on each line) Fwirl, Klitch! (they both gingerly turn their heads) How are you feeling up there?

Klitch: Like a rat is scratching my bum with a prickly plant none too gently. (He had obviously been thinking of this simile for a while and looked pleased that he could try it out)

Catty: (nods with a mock sincere expression on her face, trying to mask a derogative smile) And Fwirl, how are you?

Fwirl: (grins, putting on a brave face though wincing when she tries to rearrange herself to better see Catty) Never better!

(Catty retreats for the final five minutes and then reappears informing the last two creatures other than the anchors themselves that they must step away from the line. Deyna and Badrang do so reluctantly casting contemptible glances at each other. No love seems to be lost between the vermin crowd and Deyna even in spite of the night he spent with them.)

Catty: (narrating) Cregga and Tsarmina are the last survivors to hold up their fellow teammates. This final showdown has no time limit so this could take minutes or hours.

(It lasts one hour almost exactly. Both Cregga and Tsarmina dig in and battle it out, Tsarmina regularly shifting positions to try and work all her muscles while Cregga steadfastly stays put. This strategy does Tsarmina in when she slips in the sand trying to get a better hold on the rope, she scoots about five feet away from her original position and then digs her heels in to stop her motion. Klitch squeaks as he falls the five feet and is stopped abruptly. He was dozing.)

Cregga: (to Fwirl) What's happening?

Fwirl: Tsarmina lost control of the rope and is a few feet farther down the beach. (Cregga nods and shrugs her huge shoulders to keep them loose, knowing that this could be something or nothing)

(It turns out to be something when Tsarmina, turning and trying to regain her initial position from the harder angle, is overcome by the pull and topples over. With a yelp of dismay, Klitch falls into the water. Chetora bursts into applause)

Fwirl: It's over Cregga! You can let me go!

Cregga: (with a little derisive smile) So soon? (she lets go. Fwirl whoops triumphantly before going under. Klitch and Fwirl make it back to shore at about the same time)

Catty: Winner: Chetora! (more hugging, laughter, back patting etc.) Tinchatka, I will be seeing you at Tribal Council tonight. Chetora, you can go on back to camp and then move on to the next destination. Take your reward with you. Get your rest, you'll need it.

Chetora: (still celebrating heads back to camp with the cloth and basket)

Catty: Tinchatka, follow me.

Today you will be voting for one of the "vermin." Your contestants are: Badrang, Tsarmina, Cluny, Klitch, Romsca, Swartt, and Ublaz. Hmm, doesn't the show usually have a merge when the tribes get down to five each or close to that? Hmmmm…

Oh yeah, some of you didn't really understand what I was asking for in the voting last time, so I improvised, but whatever, here are the final tallies:

For moving to Tinchatka:

Martin: 2  
Deyna: 5  
Fwirl: 1  
Song: 2  
Dandin: 2  
Cregga: 4

For voting off:

Deyna: 1  
Fwirl: 1  
Song: 1  
Dandin: 6  
Triss: 1  
Cregga: 1

Kind of spread out, but I'm glad there was a consensus with Dandin getting voted off. I hate when it's close, and you guys were right, he was getting kind of boring. Haha, remember to vote, toodles!


	10. Episode Nine

It's been, hrm, a year? Perfect, I guess I've gotten all the votes that will be cast. Yeah, totally intentional- I MEANT to wait a year before I updated again, yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it (haha, get it, 'cus this really is a story, and I'm still adding, so I'm sticking to it and… oh nevermind). This chapter is the farthest "out-there" yet, written mostly in the wee hours of the morn. So, yeah, you reviewers are so complimentary, thanks everyone. Onward and Upward!

Review reply:

nameless: go right ahead, it's harder than it seems. I don't plan on _making_ anyone win- I just write the chapters you guys decide who stays and who goes. And no, I'm not going to tell you what happens at the end, did you think I would if you just asked? Peh. ;D j/k No sequel, no, this is it. Hope that's all your questions answered!

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Episode 9  
By: Catty Engles

Catty: Hey guys, um, jeez it's been a long time since I've done a tribal council, haha.

Swartt: What do you mean? You had one yesterday.

Catty: Oh yeah, RIGHT, silly me, haha, hehe, continuity, what a funny concept. Well then, let's get on with it, shall we? You've been through the drill, Tinchatka, the bad guy-

Romsca/Tsarmina: Aherm.

Catty: (quickly corrects) -sss and _gals _team, will now vote for the one they want to eliminate. Let's kick it off with the completely despicable Cluny who pointlessly murdered an old defenseless mouse, whose name might rhyme with Dethuselah, and left someone whose name might rhyme with Datty utterly devastated because it was her favorite character and she was sad and he's really ugly and, er, _rat_like, and, um, (evil glare from Cluny and meaningful fingering of some sharp dangerous object) UP First! Heh.

Cluny: (stalks by, cloak swirling)

Catty: Um, nice tail?

Cluny: You think so now.

Catty: (gulp)

Voting commentary:

Tsarmina: (holds up piece of paper with Klitch's name written on it, the "i" dotted with a little heart) This'll freak him out, who says I don't enjoy life?

Badrang: (holds up a piece of paper with Klitch's name written on it) Hogging the ladies, 'nuff said. (readers cringe at cross-species flirtation, esp. baddies, even Catty winces)

Klitch: (holds up a piece of paper with Badrang, Ublaz, Cluny, Romsca, and Swartt written on it, lowers paper, looks at it sadly, then sighs) Can't blame me for trying. Once anyone is comic relief in this fic, they always get voted out, then it gets harder and harder for it to stay funny. (sighs again and places paper into the gourd while violin music plays and disembodied voices say "so true, AMEN, so true!")

Catty: (as Klitch retakes his seat) I'll get the votes. (gets the votes) I'm going to read the votes now (prepares to read votes) and I'll just remove the cap from the gourd just so (removes the cap from the gourd just so) and now I'll get really parentheses-slap-happy (becomes parentheses-slap… hey). Okay, first vote (glances at it apprehensively) um, is for Klitch.

Klitch: (takes a good look at the curlicue letters and the heart-dotted "i") Wha…?

Tsarmina/Romsca: (giggle like schoolgirls then catch themselves quickly)

Romsca: Heeeheeheheh, uh, er, (clears throat), I mean, GRR!

Tsarmina: Rawrs! (Romsca: rawrs?)

Badrang: (appeals to the audience by gesturing to the "ladies") See what I mean?

Catty: Great, next vote (glances at it sadly). Yeah, nice try Klitch.

Klitch: (sighs)

Tsarmina/Romsca: (high pitched dreamy sighs)

Badrang: (knocks on computer screen) Hello! (more gesturing) You guys seeing this!

Swartt: Okay, I'm changing my vote. That is enough of _that_.

Ublaz: Movement seconded.

(Swartt, Ublaz, and Cluny rush the gourd trying to get at their votes to change them to Klitch)

Catty: Um, wait, noooo, I don't think you can technically do something along the lines of-

Cluny: (strokes some more pointy sharp dangerous looking things)

Catty: But, um, maybe just this once. (is handed scribbled out, corrected votes from Badrang, Cluny, and Ublaz) thanks. (glances at them) Sixth beast voted off of Survivor: Redwall… oh do I even have to?

Klitch: (gets up, grabs torch and places it in front of Catty)

Tsarmina/Romsca: Nuuuu! Wait, no, grrrr!

Tsarmina: (squeaky happy) Rawrs! (Romsca: I still don't… rawrs?)

Catty: Klitch, you've been voted off.

Badrang: AMEN!

Klitch: Poop.

----Chetora----

Superhero comic announcer guy: _MEANWHILE AT THE WOODLANDER'S HOME BASE…_

Song: (poking something roasting over the fire that looks like shoe leather) Are you sure it's edible?

Triss: (bats Song's paw away) Of course I'm sure. (cuts off a bit of the leathery substance and puts it on a plate. Shoves plate at Martin as he walks by) Dinner?

Martin: Heh, your guess is as good as mine, sweetheart. (looks warily at the questionable equivalent of Redwall mystery meat).

Triss: (defensively) That (pointing at meat) is what I've been working on for the better part of the afternoon.

Martin: (looks dispassionately at the substance) Funny, aren't you feminine types supposed to be _good_ at cooking?

Song: (fanatically pointing at Martin) SEXIST!

Gonff: (walking up from the shore, totally oblivious to the conversation thus far. He's laughing appreciatively at something) Martin! Listen to the joke Deyna just told me! Okay, okay, why did the female cross the road?

Song: (nostrils widen as they begin to snort steam)

Triss: (slowly, menacingly crosses arms in anticipation)

Martin: (notices and tries to stop Gonff before he says the punch line which goes something like-)

Gonff: Who cares? She shouldn't be on the road, she should be in the kitchen! Hahaha hehe ho. Wanna hear another? …Women's rights! Baaahaa.

Martin: Oh boy. (trying to minimize the damage quickly he turns to the two squirrelmaids) Ladies, please, he was only-

Song: Don't you dare "ladies" us.

Triss: Yeah.

Gonff: (finally perceives that something isn't quite right) Oh…

Martin: (quickly changing tack) Gonff here is a real goober (forced laughter), sometimes he goes overboard, I mean hey, don't we all, this time he went way overboard, fed to the sharks actually.

Gonff: (trying to play along and stay out of trouble that he's somehow gotten himself into) Yeah, that's me, Mr. Goober pouchy face, haha.

Martin: (chiming in with a very fake sounding laugh, backing up Gonff) Yeah, haha.

Triss: Give us one good reason why we should believe you.

Martin: (slowly) Because I'm… really cute?

Triss: (smirks)

Song: Stop being really cute while I'm hating you!

Triss: (stops smirk)

Martin: (smirks)

ELSEWHERE---- at the shore gathering clams

Fwirl: (to Deyna and Cregga) This is such a great tribe to be in. I mean, we haven't even had any kind of really big fight or division yet. Knock on wood. Oh, no wood nearby, nevermind.

Deyna: Haha, (Martin slides longways across the sand facedown, thrown there by Triss- moments later likewise for Gonff courtesy of Song) oh…

Cregga: What happened?

Martin: (spitting sand and trying to be flippant) Oh just a little tiff, nothing big.

Triss: (from the far off firepit, yelling) That is a stupid and close-minded joke and if you ever comment on my cooking again- you'll be the one I'm roasting!

Martin: Um, scratch that.

Gonff: (groan)

Fwirl: (horrified) I didn't knock on wood. It's all my fault.

Deyna: (uncomfortably) Uh, heheh.

LATER-----

Martin: (hunched over a plate of Triss's leathery stuff, stubbornly resigned to trying to make up with the girls) This is delicious, absolutely marvelous!

Gonff: (grumbling) If you've lost all sense of taste or perception. (is nudged hard by Martin). I mean…

Triss: Try all you want, you're still insensitive, chauvinistic males.

Gonff: Is Martin still really cute?

Song: Why of course he-

Triss: (slaps her paw over Song's mouth) No.

Martin: (smirks)

Triss: You wipe that look off your face right now or…

(Fwirl and Deyna cower behind Cregga)

Martin: You'll what?

Triss: I'll… storm off dramatically. (proceeds to, grabbing Song and Fwirl as she goes)

Gonff: (to Martin) Nice going.

Martin: Oh, like this is my fault? Listen, pouchy, you have got another thing coming if you think that I'm going to let you put the blame for this on me, I'm gonna-

Gonff: Wait, wait (loses all animosity while he listens intently to seemingly nothing). They're planning something.

Martin: (face drains of color) Not…good.

ELSEWHERE---

Triss: (to Song and Fwirl) I've had just about _enough_ of the boys. Now I've got a plan. If we three ally and get Cregga on our side, then we'll be four (Triss, Song, Fwirl, and Cregga) against three (Martin, Deyna, Gonff), then we can vote one of the boys if we go to tribal council tonight.

Song: GREAT idea, I'm in.

Fwirl: I dunno, you guys.

Triss: Come on you sissy (Triss and Song glare, invoking the tried and true strategy of peer pressure).

Fwirl: (relenting) Okay, okay, I'm in, but will Cregga go along with this?

Triss: Of course she will, hello, she's female. We'll just tell her what the guys said and she'll be on our side for sure.

Song: Let's go talk to her.

ELSEWHERE---

(Martin and Gonff realize that the girls are probably making an alliance and convince Deyna to counter with a male alliance)

Deyna: But if you, me, and Martin are in an alliance, and we're up against Fwirl, Song, and Triss, that's three against three, we'll be in a deadlock.

Martin: Cregga.

Gonff: We don't even know if Fwirl is really committed to the alliance, she may be swayable. We could get her on our side.

Deyna: You're forgetting about peer pressure.

Gonff: Ah, yes, the tried and true.

Martin: Works every time.

Deyna: We'll concentrate on her later; right now I say we go after Cregga before the girls can get to her.

Martin: Good idea.

Gonff: Uh oh, looks like we're too late. (points at the three squirrelmaids talking to Cregga by the fire pit)

(Gonff, Martin, and Deyna rush over to find out what's happening and catch the tail end of the conversation: Triss explaining what the boys did to make them resort to an alliance.)

Triss: And he said, and I quote, "Who cares? She should be in the kitchen not on the road." (The girls look righteously offended and watch for Cregga's reaction)

Cregga: (pause) HAHAHAHAHAHAAA. That's a good one! Got any more?

Triss: Wha…?

Martin: (smirks)

Triss: Don't you dare give me that face, I will pound you so-

Gonff: (trying to distract Triss) Oh, look at the sun, it's just about time for the next challenge!

Catty: (jogging up the beach toward them with Tinchatka in tow) Right you are, pouchy. Our challenge today is a test of endurance, strength, wit, and resourcefulness. You will be pushed to your very limits, and some may not even come back alive. You will need- (is handed a notecard. Reads it slowly. Clears throat.) Oh, um, never mind! There's been a change of plans. Since this chapter has become very long, longer than originally planned, the challenge has been condensed.

Martin: What do you mean…condensed?

Catty: Uh, I mean, reduced in size. Well, we were _going_ to roll a die to see which team would go first into the harrowing challenge I was just about to explain… and now, well that's all.

Triss: What's all?

Catty: (uncomfortably) That is… rolling a die.

Tsarmina: That's the _challenge_?

Catty: (squeaky and very small) Yes. (general sounds of outrage) But wait, WAIT! (trying to regain order) It's a really good reward today! (pulls off the cover to a table covered in jugs, barrels, bottles, and glasses full of liquid… intoxicating liquid.) Alcohol! (general sounds of rejoicing) We've got grog, ale, beer, wine…_martinis_ (yes, martinis are found in many Redwall books… it's called reading between the lines, people, hehe). Okay, so let's get started. We need one roller from each team. Highest roll wins. Loser goes without alcohol and to tribal council tonight.

(Teams confer, Ublaz and Song are chosen from Tinchatka and Chetora respectively).

Catty: (hands both a single die) Okay players… roll.

(dramatic slow-motion. Ublaz gets a four, Song gets a two)

Catty: The winner, Tinchatka! (yays from baddies) Chetora, I will see you in tribal council tonight.

(dramatic camera angles showing Martin, Gonff, and Deyna facing off against Triss, Song, and Fwirl with Cregga in between)

Catty: What will happen next? Tune in next year to find out. (nah, just kidding… I hope)

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No, I will probably finish this up fast- so actually, let's see if we can make this go faster- pick TWO woodlanders you would like to get voted off, please put them in order of first and second choice though. So, you are choosing from: Triss, Song, Martin, Fwirl, Cregga, Gonff, and Deyna. I wanna say who I _don't_ want you to vote for (b/c these are some of my favs, wonder if you can guess my absolute fav…hmmm!), but I think that would be influencing your vote, sigh. Anyway, so you remember the situation? There is a male and female alliance, three against three, with Cregga in the middle, how will she vote? Whose side will she be on? And the vermin with alcohol? What's that going to be like? All questions to be answered next time (or by you in reviews, I'm open for suggestions anytime). Yay, vote, review, and keep on reading, you loyal, loyal people.

Last time's voting looked like this, if you wanted to know:

Swartt: 3  
Klitch: 9 (actually one was for Kitch, haha, I laughed)  
Romsca: 1  
Tsarmina: 1  
Badrang: 3  
Ublaz: 1  
Cluny: 2


End file.
